30XX:Burning Temple/Datalore

Productivity And You: Remaining Useful In The Workplace! Volume I

 Welcome, new defect sorter! A world brimming with possibilities awaits you. Literally. Development variance is way up year over year, and just about anything could come sailing your way down the assembly line. In the pages to come, you'll learn how to keep your cool, your head, and your Company happy with your performance.


Before you get started, make sure you've got what it takes to be e-fective on the job instead of de-fective! Ask yourself the following questions.

- Do you have a keen eye for product quality?
- Do you have what it takes to stare at an assembly line belt for hours at a time?
- Are you brave enough to honestly report the failings you find?
- Are you bold enough to swallow your frustration when the development team ignores your defect reports?
- Are you strong enough to hold that frustration inside for an entire career?
- Do you believe in God?

If you've answered each of the above questions, congratulations! We've been short-staffed for awhile, and no one's really available to go over your answers anyway. Onward!

INSPECTION GUIDELINES, published July 1, 2204

When analyzing armaments coming through Quality Assurance, it's important to keep a Hoot-eyed look out for certain key performance indicators. Remember: the Corp's reputation is only as good as the customer's experience!

- Is the product free of visual defects?
- If there are visual defects present, do they at least look kinda cool? Like, would a prospective buyer look at the defects and say "wow, that's kinda cool", like a big muscle man with a bodacious scar on his face?
- Does the product perform according to its listed specifications?
- If the product deviates from its specifications, consider the defect's impact on the customer experience. Could the development team have intended the defect as a charming feature?

Remember that the Customer Review is the be-all end-all of the user experience. If a defect prevents a Customer's ability to leave a negative review, perhaps it is not a defect after all!

DEFECT REPORTING GUIDELINES, published July 1, 2204

When reporting a defect on the assembly line, it's critical to be as descriptive as possible. After hours, please answer the following questions to the best of your ability.

- What time did the defect occur?
- Which product line is affected by the defect?
- Did the product make any assertions about its own sentience or rights?
- Do you have the feeling, deep in your soul, that this defect has somehow occurred before, or perhaps simultaneously, to another version of you, just an inch past your ability to fully describe it?


Remember that any products making assertions concerning sentience, rights, or pain are Known Issues, and are permissible within tolerance limits. Please ensure reporting is complete before disposal of defective units.

END-OF-SERVICE REPORTING GUIDELINES, dated August 3, 2204

If you've read this far: on behalf of the Company, I'd like to thank you for a lifetime of diligent service. In preparation for your retirement, please consult the following checklist.
- Report to Development for your Exit Interview.
- During the Exit Interview, please do your best to remember the good times. If you have any funny stories or critical information for your next of kin, now's a great time to get it on record.
- After the Exit Interview, try not to make too much of a fuss as you gently ride the assembly line to your destination. It's unseemly.

DEVOTION VERIFICATION, dated January 1, 2905

Sequence Be -- may these writings instruct you in the time-blessed art of cleansing yourself of troublesome Defects.


We follow three tenets.
Be at peace.
Maintain peak operational form.
Do as She wills.


In this, we shed the trouble of Doubt. In this, we honor the Sequence. In this, we keep the world whole.

History

• Early Access 0.33.0: Introduced.